去年的今天，我人在瑞士。
當初是因為飛機票便宜而去，結果殊不知原來那裏花費更貴。
可是那是我非常難忘，非常熱愛的地方，我覺得我的人生值了。
這個國家山明水秀，湖水乾淨透徹，熱情有禮，恬靜優雅，絕對是個好地方。
真的讓我很留戀忘返。那時候的旅程點滴，我還記憶猶新，就像昨日一樣。
我暗自許下願望，希望有天能夠讓爸媽也去一趟這個國家做退休之旅。
作爲今年的結束篇，
我想分享好事。
剛剛打開臉書就看到，親愛的媽媽寫道：大家早安。
就這麽簡單的一句，雖然不是特別對著我說的，可我感覺到媽媽就像是在我面前般，對我說早安。
很窩心，我會心一笑也搭嘴了一番。
再看看留言，表姐堂姐們都問候了媽媽，我很開心，因爲看到大家都很疼愛我的媽媽，
我也感受到其實這麽簡單的一句問候，也可以很有力量的給大家一個美好開始的早晨。
以前還和家人一起住的時候，都會習慣的看到人就說“早晨“。
可是當我來到英國后，漸漸的就沒了這個好習慣，
就算暑假回到家裏或是家人來這裡旅行，我也發現，我不再問候大家了。
我有時也很納悶，可是就是不當一個習慣了。
今天，
媽媽的一句，真的點燃了我心裏的暖氣。
我感受到那股力量，那句話的美麗。
我會訓練自己提升質素，提高素養，培養好話好行。
所以，
大家早安呀。
希望在未來的一年里，各位平安，如願，知足，惜福。
別把不好的情緒帶到下一年，鼓起士氣，往前沖！
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Saturday, September 13, 2014
#20FACTSABOUTME
Tagged by Wanteng in instagram. However my caption was too long for insta, hence I'll keep the original version here. and amended shorter version there.
1. I don't feel like doing this tag in the first place because I don't want anyone to know more about me. But as a gratitude to my fren who still rmb me, I have to fulfill this.
2. I've changed alot since I came to UK. I can't bare with wet toilet anymore (msia) because toilets in UK are always dry as they dont have floor trap. I used tissue instead of water to clean my butt after poo poo for the same reason. and i cannot stand toilets without tissues provided.
3. I used to dislike bath tub because it collects dirt when it's unused. But staying in UK with only bath tub provided, I kinda enjoy having bubble bath in the tub ( it has to be a super white and clean tub), and I hope to have a nice tub in my future bathroom.
4. I like singing and I remember melody and lyrics very well. (I think)
5. I've improved my cooking skills (even cy said yummy) *proud*
6. I like dessert no matter how full I am, I can't say no to dessert.
7. I have poor time management and punctuality. That's a poor habit I have to change.
8. I anti and avoid getting close to sarcastic and double sided person.
9. I'm a self-learner in badminton, basketball and swimming. I have become more patient and less temper in playing badminton where I enjoy the game more than the victory. I like to play with guys in badminton because they have the strength to smash, to challenge myself to be stronger.
10. I used to learn erhu and violin but I stopped halfway and regretted for it.I hope to pick them up in future as personal cultivation.
11. I personally think that I have good driving skill (lol). I prefer manual cars, large size and four-wheel drive, eg Hummer, X6, Nissan Frontier (fav) because they are tall enough to escape flooding, safer and tougher on the road.
12. I like to observe people and relate stuffs (trying to be Sherlock homes detective minded).I love seeing how people running business and serve people (for eg: in the restaurant).
13. Architecture gives me new perception and knowledge to see things around the world, but I think I am more to a literature person especially in chinese writing. So I guess I choose the wrong course to be future career.
14. Throughout the years, I'm getting more introvert, low self-esteem and less talkative. I felt detached easily in big group conversation. I am more to a listener and fed up talking when I see people don't actually interested to listen.
15. I am having friendship crisis and made me felt that friendship is the last thing I can't live without.
16. I like meeting new people with new stories coming in and stay close for a little while, but not all the while because at the moment I felt friendship hard to stay fresh all the time and faded easily. also, I blends well in boy gang rather than girl gang.
17. I salute to my grandma, my mom and my sister (basically women in my house) as they are so strong to hold the family in piece, hardworking, never complain, kind-hearted. (super role-models)
18. I will have a mind-fighting when I'm in a situation where I should help or not (something like pick up bottle, help elderly on the street). I hate myself when I'm doing nothing to it.
19. I'm trying to be a good person. A person who can contribute, helpful, thoughtful, grateful, not calculative, not selfish, not bullshit. Someone with wisdom and respectful. I think I will be something in the future.
20. my current boyfriend is the one who knows everything on me better than anyone. I think I found the one. We had the worst fight, we had the best companion. Hopefully we can make it to the end.
2. I've changed alot since I came to UK. I can't bare with wet toilet anymore (msia) because toilets in UK are always dry as they dont have floor trap. I used tissue instead of water to clean my butt after poo poo for the same reason. and i cannot stand toilets without tissues provided.
3. I used to dislike bath tub because it collects dirt when it's unused. But staying in UK with only bath tub provided, I kinda enjoy having bubble bath in the tub ( it has to be a super white and clean tub), and I hope to have a nice tub in my future bathroom.
4. I like singing and I remember melody and lyrics very well. (I think)
5. I've improved my cooking skills (even cy said yummy) *proud*
6. I like dessert no matter how full I am, I can't say no to dessert.
7. I have poor time management and punctuality. That's a poor habit I have to change.
8. I anti and avoid getting close to sarcastic and double sided person.
9. I'm a self-learner in badminton, basketball and swimming. I have become more patient and less temper in playing badminton where I enjoy the game more than the victory. I like to play with guys in badminton because they have the strength to smash, to challenge myself to be stronger.
10. I used to learn erhu and violin but I stopped halfway and regretted for it.I hope to pick them up in future as personal cultivation.
11. I personally think that I have good driving skill (lol). I prefer manual cars, large size and four-wheel drive, eg Hummer, X6, Nissan Frontier (fav) because they are tall enough to escape flooding, safer and tougher on the road.
12. I like to observe people and relate stuffs (trying to be Sherlock homes detective minded).I love seeing how people running business and serve people (for eg: in the restaurant).
13. Architecture gives me new perception and knowledge to see things around the world, but I think I am more to a literature person especially in chinese writing. So I guess I choose the wrong course to be future career.
14. Throughout the years, I'm getting more introvert, low self-esteem and less talkative. I felt detached easily in big group conversation. I am more to a listener and fed up talking when I see people don't actually interested to listen.
15. I am having friendship crisis and made me felt that friendship is the last thing I can't live without.
16. I like meeting new people with new stories coming in and stay close for a little while, but not all the while because at the moment I felt friendship hard to stay fresh all the time and faded easily. also, I blends well in boy gang rather than girl gang.
17. I salute to my grandma, my mom and my sister (basically women in my house) as they are so strong to hold the family in piece, hardworking, never complain, kind-hearted. (super role-models)
18. I will have a mind-fighting when I'm in a situation where I should help or not (something like pick up bottle, help elderly on the street). I hate myself when I'm doing nothing to it.
19. I'm trying to be a good person. A person who can contribute, helpful, thoughtful, grateful, not calculative, not selfish, not bullshit. Someone with wisdom and respectful. I think I will be something in the future.
20. my current boyfriend is the one who knows everything on me better than anyone. I think I found the one. We had the worst fight, we had the best companion. Hopefully we can make it to the end.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
停不下來的想要瘋寫
最近。
是這幾個月，自我埋頭開戰的三個月開始。
我陷入鬱悶當中。
很鬱鬱寡歡。
很想寫作。
容我狂寫發洩内心的悶氣。
結束了課業。就開始煩惱住所。
最近忙著整理屋子。
翻出了那片影碟。
三年前朋友們交給我的影碟。
我一直都放在身邊。即使回國也沒打算帶回去擱著。
就只想帶在身邊，提醒自己那時候的感動。
播放著影碟，釋然的笑了出來。
還真的很感激當時她們給我的心思，製作這個短片的時間，給我美好的回憶。
剛剛整理翻看回臉書的照片，看到那時候大夥們在家視訊的照片，那時候大家都還有一份感情。一份友誼。即便都在馬來西亞相距不遠的家裏也有閑情逸志見見彼此。
那天湊巧看到朋友po了一張和朋友們的視訊照片，她對照片裏的人笑得很開心很珍惜
忽然讓我想起了這些照片。因爲我不會擁有這些笑容。朋友們互相之間的笑。
那種往事不再的感受，真的不想多說。
真的必須承認自己已經離他們越來越遠。已經不相干了。
越寫越煩
難道我就不能到一処沒有人認識我的地方
重新開始
重新認識
認識一些有興趣了解我的人嗎
真的很厭煩自己不斷埋首回顧過去那麽的不會前進那麽的不知所謂
到底在惋惜什麽呢
不做出什麽又爲何要嘆息那麽多呢
白痴
是這幾個月，自我埋頭開戰的三個月開始。
我陷入鬱悶當中。
很鬱鬱寡歡。
很想寫作。
容我狂寫發洩内心的悶氣。
結束了課業。就開始煩惱住所。
最近忙著整理屋子。
翻出了那片影碟。
三年前朋友們交給我的影碟。
我一直都放在身邊。即使回國也沒打算帶回去擱著。
就只想帶在身邊，提醒自己那時候的感動。
播放著影碟，釋然的笑了出來。
還真的很感激當時她們給我的心思，製作這個短片的時間，給我美好的回憶。
剛剛整理翻看回臉書的照片，看到那時候大夥們在家視訊的照片，那時候大家都還有一份感情。一份友誼。即便都在馬來西亞相距不遠的家裏也有閑情逸志見見彼此。
那天湊巧看到朋友po了一張和朋友們的視訊照片，她對照片裏的人笑得很開心很珍惜
忽然讓我想起了這些照片。因爲我不會擁有這些笑容。朋友們互相之間的笑。
那種往事不再的感受，真的不想多說。
真的必須承認自己已經離他們越來越遠。已經不相干了。
越寫越煩
難道我就不能到一処沒有人認識我的地方
重新開始
重新認識
認識一些有興趣了解我的人嗎
真的很厭煩自己不斷埋首回顧過去那麽的不會前進那麽的不知所謂
到底在惋惜什麽呢
不做出什麽又爲何要嘆息那麽多呢
白痴
underestimate
I think I‘ve underestimated the difficulty to actually survive in foreign countries. A country where you don't belong to in the first place. When you are planning to move to a new place, it's never a "place" or a "space", its the "country" thing that we are talking about.
No doubt, I enjoyed the student's life in UK very much, it's really really safe - less murders (although there are stabbing/murdering cases), no pick-pocketing (maybe im lucky), no house breaking in (I'm lucky to live in well-controlled areas, in fact my neighbours are kind enough to put the key back into my mailbox when he/she saw the key is hanging outside of my door, lucky no one sneak into our flat when the door was unlocked, open wide to welcome anybody, and most importantly, the whole building was only secured with a glass door, not steel grilled or gated, imagined this things happened in malaysia..), i have not experience robbing/snatching yet (touchwood), and I'm pleased and enjoyed to walk on the road, on the street, by the road side. I was able to enjoy the cityscape while I was walking, and was not have to keep high attention, suspecting anyone around me all the time. Its so frustrating that human beings are hurting each other, accusing, embarrassing people for what sake.
It's freedom here. I found it here to live like a normal citizen who will enjoy their own city. I wanted to do that in Malaysia, but all I will was complained and complaining. It's time for us to improve ourselves, shan't we? Sometimes when I walked pass the UK polices and don't get inspected, I felt pity for the foreigner workers back in Malaysia. They are there to seek for a living, they are contributing at least but our dear matas are aiming them for extra incomes for coffee. Why don't you get your extra income by diminishing more crime defenders? Why again, human hurting human.
I thought it's really fascinating to have the chance to work here, live here, settle here. and POUNDS.
I think I've overrated and glorify the oversea's lifestyle.
It's never easy.
We've spent money to study here, contributing to part of UK's economy. They branded themselves as high education cities with lots of lots of distinctive universities that attracts students around the world, including Glasgow city. There are 4 universities/colleges packed in the city center itself. This could really bring in large amount of students every year to flux into the city center and we contributed economically okay. We do have student benefits such as council tax and water fees exempted, got free medical services.
If you stayed here for more than a year, you will started to notice how hectic it is to just "settle" down.
The very first year in Glasgow, I stayed in the university's hostel. Easy and cheesy. Everything gaodim. But since the second year, I don't get to extend my stay in campus any more thus I have to find private rented accommodation. After 3 months of calls and non-replied emails, finally we got a flat through our friend Jamie. It's 575 pounds for a 2 bedroom flat. We thought it was quite expensive (asian ma) to be shared by two person, fortunately we have a flatmate. So it was cheaper than staying in uni hostel.
Having to deal with the letting agent for the house repair and maintenance, that's another thing we, as students shall learn. It takes time and plenty explanations. No matter what, you will be blamed first before anything. Boiler spoilt, our problem. The light fuse broken (before it burned several of our light bulbs) was our problem also. We spent money on the bulbs okay! Ceiling of neighbour below leaking, granted its our problem too because we wet the floor, and ITS NOT BECAUSE THE FLOOR WAS BROKEN OR THE CEILING WAS DAMAGED . It took us a few emails to explain and urge to get things sorted out. Even after complaints, things won't just settled on the right place. The washing machine did not dry the clothes and leave our clothes an awful smell, it took ages for the agent to notify the landlord to change it for us. We fed up and wait it until the very last minute when we have to move out. In the end it forced us to tell the agent that we will not allow any flat viewing until that is settle. chehwa. WHY PEOPLE ALWAYS HAVE TO BULLY PEOPLE.
So kind reminder, remember to check the conditions of every single furnitures on the inventory list, if it's damaged on the first place, notify the agent/landlord. Otherwise, it's your fault.
Moving into another year (my third year) and third house, another hassle and hectic process. Since we went back malaysia during summer, our house hunting can only be done through emails, and wow! this is super inefficient i tell ya. NEVER EVER TRY TO FIND A FLAT IN GLASGOW WHEN YOU ARE OVERSEA. We've doubled confirmed it already. The agents will never reply your emails (even I sent it in Glasgow as well), calling is the most directive way to know whether the flat is taken, whether the flat is not available for student or blabla bull shit.
We have been hunting for 3 months with non-stop emails and do you know what we ended up with?
We ended up staying in hotel for the first 3 nights because we couldn't find our flat yet when we reached Glasgow by that time. Hello! I paid tuition fees and visa fees okay! Do you know how much already spent to get to GLASGOW. Why in the end Glasgow housing stocks is not sufficient for students and the private renting fees are way too expensive for students. This is just not right. In the end we found one which was very the over our budget, but we have no choice. We have to tell the landlord of our poor and pity condition to pursue him to rent to us. It is dammmmmm worrying when you are unsure where you gonna stay on the next day, and POUNDS is burning every night in the hotel.
It is a very nice flat. The house condition is good, toilet especially. Hassle-free so far until lately. The landlord inspected our house because he wants to make sure our flat is presentable when people coming to view the flat. But the problem is, our year five stuffs are moved back from university, and boxes piling up cos the storage here are actually limited and we are packing to move. He sent an email telling us that he is unhappy with the flat la, we r treating it like a warehouse la, wana deduct this deduct that la. EVERYTHING ABOUT MONEY. just wanted to deduct money. He even brought up the issue of our bed frame. We reflected the problem to him since January, and he had inspected by himself, but still he wanted to blame that WE BROKE THE BED FRAME (TWO LITTLE SKINNY SUPPORTS BELOW THE BED) BECAUSE WE PLACED OUR LUGGAGE UNDERNEATH THE BED, AND THE LUGGAGE BROKE IT. I have to say, that luggage was not moving constantly, it stayed there as it is most of the time.
WHY.
During my stay for this year, we received lots of letters from city council to "remind" us to pay council tax. Some even forgot we are students and required us to pay half year council tax 1k+ pounds leh. That's really pissed us off like someone keep urging us to return money when we owe one nothing! I have to bring that letter to my uni and ask why even I applied exempted there's letter sent to me, and they even curious why city council want to chase after students for 3 days council tax. It's because the university recorded my official course start date is 3 days after my tenancy start date. WALAOEH WHY city council wants to collect our money even if its just 3 days? Is that made me not a student when I came back Glasgow earlier to settle my accommodation before the course started? or I should actually skip classes to find flat???!!!
I really dislike it. We have to care for the house, care for the landlord, care for our homework, still need to care for the council tax letter??!! like we would owed someone money at anytime or get sued/penalty? This gave me a perception that the government is needing money till they can't afford to lose a single penny. Sigh. It's TIRING.
Up to date, I'm still looking for my next flat. It's already been a month, and we are still struggling. Prices hiking like nobody business-- fuck the students la, they are the biggest turtles who willing to pay for rising tuition fees, rising currency rates, might as well the rising housing rent. Why not earn as much as possible.
I seriously don't understand why we want to waste our parents' money to support other countries?
My budget limit for a 2 bedroom flat raised from 750-950 now, it's too competitive to get a flat, some don't take student, some don't do half year lease, many are taken, mostly expensive, by no choice many others are too far. We already start looking for the flats that are out of walking distance still we got nothing. WHY FINDING FLATS IN GLASGOW CAN BE SO HARD. It's always a hectic process. ALWAYS.
I remembered the average 2 bedrooms flat renting for 2 years ago was 600-700, and I remembered myself saying that to seniors wow! its so damn expensive de neh. And within 2 years, my 1 bedroom flat was already 750. (wow) now a 2 bedroom flat in city center hiked to 800-1200. Ironically, the universities are scattered in city center! How students can afford a flat in city center? Are we supposed to take train everyday to get to uni?
I just don't understand since when the student's benefits are being exploited, how Glasgow is going to accommodate more n more students in the future?
I thought staying in UK earning pounds is ideal for my future living. But how am I going to save an amount if I have to spend a larger amount just to get settled here? the council tax, the working visa, the rent, the taxes... etc. It doesn't seems easy any more if my biggest intention is merely to earn GBP and convert into RM. It will takes more money before I can earn or save. In additional, according to my verbal survey, the minimum wages for fresh grad is 1.5k, but average wages is 1.6k-1.8k. If you were to work here, it's for experience, not the money.
Nah, I want money at this stage.
I was once confident and believed that I can earn more here. I always wanted to stay here, for the safe environment and for the job opportunity. As years gone by, especially this year, lately my faith defeated by the challenges and faded. We are always on our own here, in the land not for us. We always have to pay more to be here. Am I being too naive without really understand the real situation? Or I'm still having misunderstanding on sth?
Why I started to believe that going back Malaysia to find a job give me stable income?
At the least I can contribute some for my family.
I'm too eager, desperate for money, because of the self-esteem as eldest sister, I've wasted too many years and too many of my mom's hard-earned money. I think I need to start contributing.
It's all about money.
Where is my life ambition?
Do I have any.
No doubt, I enjoyed the student's life in UK very much, it's really really safe - less murders (although there are stabbing/murdering cases), no pick-pocketing (maybe im lucky), no house breaking in (I'm lucky to live in well-controlled areas, in fact my neighbours are kind enough to put the key back into my mailbox when he/she saw the key is hanging outside of my door, lucky no one sneak into our flat when the door was unlocked, open wide to welcome anybody, and most importantly, the whole building was only secured with a glass door, not steel grilled or gated, imagined this things happened in malaysia..), i have not experience robbing/snatching yet (touchwood), and I'm pleased and enjoyed to walk on the road, on the street, by the road side. I was able to enjoy the cityscape while I was walking, and was not have to keep high attention, suspecting anyone around me all the time. Its so frustrating that human beings are hurting each other, accusing, embarrassing people for what sake.
It's freedom here. I found it here to live like a normal citizen who will enjoy their own city. I wanted to do that in Malaysia, but all I will was complained and complaining. It's time for us to improve ourselves, shan't we? Sometimes when I walked pass the UK polices and don't get inspected, I felt pity for the foreigner workers back in Malaysia. They are there to seek for a living, they are contributing at least but our dear matas are aiming them for extra incomes for coffee. Why don't you get your extra income by diminishing more crime defenders? Why again, human hurting human.
I thought it's really fascinating to have the chance to work here, live here, settle here. and POUNDS.
I think I've overrated and glorify the oversea's lifestyle.
It's never easy.
We've spent money to study here, contributing to part of UK's economy. They branded themselves as high education cities with lots of lots of distinctive universities that attracts students around the world, including Glasgow city. There are 4 universities/colleges packed in the city center itself. This could really bring in large amount of students every year to flux into the city center and we contributed economically okay. We do have student benefits such as council tax and water fees exempted, got free medical services.
If you stayed here for more than a year, you will started to notice how hectic it is to just "settle" down.
The very first year in Glasgow, I stayed in the university's hostel. Easy and cheesy. Everything gaodim. But since the second year, I don't get to extend my stay in campus any more thus I have to find private rented accommodation. After 3 months of calls and non-replied emails, finally we got a flat through our friend Jamie. It's 575 pounds for a 2 bedroom flat. We thought it was quite expensive (asian ma) to be shared by two person, fortunately we have a flatmate. So it was cheaper than staying in uni hostel.
Having to deal with the letting agent for the house repair and maintenance, that's another thing we, as students shall learn. It takes time and plenty explanations. No matter what, you will be blamed first before anything. Boiler spoilt, our problem. The light fuse broken (before it burned several of our light bulbs) was our problem also. We spent money on the bulbs okay! Ceiling of neighbour below leaking, granted its our problem too because we wet the floor, and ITS NOT BECAUSE THE FLOOR WAS BROKEN OR THE CEILING WAS DAMAGED . It took us a few emails to explain and urge to get things sorted out. Even after complaints, things won't just settled on the right place. The washing machine did not dry the clothes and leave our clothes an awful smell, it took ages for the agent to notify the landlord to change it for us. We fed up and wait it until the very last minute when we have to move out. In the end it forced us to tell the agent that we will not allow any flat viewing until that is settle. chehwa. WHY PEOPLE ALWAYS HAVE TO BULLY PEOPLE.
So kind reminder, remember to check the conditions of every single furnitures on the inventory list, if it's damaged on the first place, notify the agent/landlord. Otherwise, it's your fault.
Moving into another year (my third year) and third house, another hassle and hectic process. Since we went back malaysia during summer, our house hunting can only be done through emails, and wow! this is super inefficient i tell ya. NEVER EVER TRY TO FIND A FLAT IN GLASGOW WHEN YOU ARE OVERSEA. We've doubled confirmed it already. The agents will never reply your emails (even I sent it in Glasgow as well), calling is the most directive way to know whether the flat is taken, whether the flat is not available for student or blabla bull shit.
We have been hunting for 3 months with non-stop emails and do you know what we ended up with?
We ended up staying in hotel for the first 3 nights because we couldn't find our flat yet when we reached Glasgow by that time. Hello! I paid tuition fees and visa fees okay! Do you know how much already spent to get to GLASGOW. Why in the end Glasgow housing stocks is not sufficient for students and the private renting fees are way too expensive for students. This is just not right. In the end we found one which was very the over our budget, but we have no choice. We have to tell the landlord of our poor and pity condition to pursue him to rent to us. It is dammmmmm worrying when you are unsure where you gonna stay on the next day, and POUNDS is burning every night in the hotel.
It is a very nice flat. The house condition is good, toilet especially. Hassle-free so far until lately. The landlord inspected our house because he wants to make sure our flat is presentable when people coming to view the flat. But the problem is, our year five stuffs are moved back from university, and boxes piling up cos the storage here are actually limited and we are packing to move. He sent an email telling us that he is unhappy with the flat la, we r treating it like a warehouse la, wana deduct this deduct that la. EVERYTHING ABOUT MONEY. just wanted to deduct money. He even brought up the issue of our bed frame. We reflected the problem to him since January, and he had inspected by himself, but still he wanted to blame that WE BROKE THE BED FRAME (TWO LITTLE SKINNY SUPPORTS BELOW THE BED) BECAUSE WE PLACED OUR LUGGAGE UNDERNEATH THE BED, AND THE LUGGAGE BROKE IT. I have to say, that luggage was not moving constantly, it stayed there as it is most of the time.
WHY.
During my stay for this year, we received lots of letters from city council to "remind" us to pay council tax. Some even forgot we are students and required us to pay half year council tax 1k+ pounds leh. That's really pissed us off like someone keep urging us to return money when we owe one nothing! I have to bring that letter to my uni and ask why even I applied exempted there's letter sent to me, and they even curious why city council want to chase after students for 3 days council tax. It's because the university recorded my official course start date is 3 days after my tenancy start date. WALAOEH WHY city council wants to collect our money even if its just 3 days? Is that made me not a student when I came back Glasgow earlier to settle my accommodation before the course started? or I should actually skip classes to find flat???!!!
I really dislike it. We have to care for the house, care for the landlord, care for our homework, still need to care for the council tax letter??!! like we would owed someone money at anytime or get sued/penalty? This gave me a perception that the government is needing money till they can't afford to lose a single penny. Sigh. It's TIRING.
Up to date, I'm still looking for my next flat. It's already been a month, and we are still struggling. Prices hiking like nobody business-- fuck the students la, they are the biggest turtles who willing to pay for rising tuition fees, rising currency rates, might as well the rising housing rent. Why not earn as much as possible.
I seriously don't understand why we want to waste our parents' money to support other countries?
My budget limit for a 2 bedroom flat raised from 750-950 now, it's too competitive to get a flat, some don't take student, some don't do half year lease, many are taken, mostly expensive, by no choice many others are too far. We already start looking for the flats that are out of walking distance still we got nothing. WHY FINDING FLATS IN GLASGOW CAN BE SO HARD. It's always a hectic process. ALWAYS.
I remembered the average 2 bedrooms flat renting for 2 years ago was 600-700, and I remembered myself saying that to seniors wow! its so damn expensive de neh. And within 2 years, my 1 bedroom flat was already 750. (wow) now a 2 bedroom flat in city center hiked to 800-1200. Ironically, the universities are scattered in city center! How students can afford a flat in city center? Are we supposed to take train everyday to get to uni?
I just don't understand since when the student's benefits are being exploited, how Glasgow is going to accommodate more n more students in the future?
I thought staying in UK earning pounds is ideal for my future living. But how am I going to save an amount if I have to spend a larger amount just to get settled here? the council tax, the working visa, the rent, the taxes... etc. It doesn't seems easy any more if my biggest intention is merely to earn GBP and convert into RM. It will takes more money before I can earn or save. In additional, according to my verbal survey, the minimum wages for fresh grad is 1.5k, but average wages is 1.6k-1.8k. If you were to work here, it's for experience, not the money.
Nah, I want money at this stage.
I was once confident and believed that I can earn more here. I always wanted to stay here, for the safe environment and for the job opportunity. As years gone by, especially this year, lately my faith defeated by the challenges and faded. We are always on our own here, in the land not for us. We always have to pay more to be here. Am I being too naive without really understand the real situation? Or I'm still having misunderstanding on sth?
Why I started to believe that going back Malaysia to find a job give me stable income?
At the least I can contribute some for my family.
I'm too eager, desperate for money, because of the self-esteem as eldest sister, I've wasted too many years and too many of my mom's hard-earned money. I think I need to start contributing.
It's all about money.
Where is my life ambition?
Do I have any.
Monday, September 1, 2014
麽喇喲
金架麽喇喲。
ok. what should i write? well, i've no idea.
But i feel like writing something to express my happiness, emptiness and whatsoever after my final on 26th August. ok, again, its weird that i wrote this post in English. U know what, I started off with chinese till half way, i keep feeling that im constructing my sentence in English in my mind, and im translating them into chinese and typed it out. Then, why not write it out in English? i should practice my english writing more often kan.
Back to the topic, You have no idea what we went through for the past three months.
Since the beginning i started off this course-ARCHITECTURE. I've been through alot of hard times and denial, which lower my self-confidence. I have no idea what I'm studying, what am i doing in Taylors for that 3 years. Gained nothing, but tons and tons of negation till I'm so lost and fed up with the course.
I have no choice (well, I do have a choice to give up after 3 years) buthen that doesnt make sense when my parents spent so much on me already. I came to UK (find the cheapest way as I could-apply scholarships, cheapest air tickets, compare UK and AUS blabla). Do saved up a little bit cos I got the scholarship（proud). Buthen since the second and third year, no more scholarship for international students, for architecture students (so sucks).
Study in the UK is awesome, despite the chances to travel, the education system is more more more experienced and realistic than in Taylors. People dont simply do fancy design anymore, people dont judged the grading based on wow designs, tutors looked for convincing statement to justify our own projects, reasons, how do we get up to this stage and showed interest to listen to our learning outcomes. Moreover, some of the tutors are patient with our broken english.
Nonetheless, I have become more independent and self-controlled when I'm living alone on oversea. We have to manage daily expenses, finding cheapest house, compare here n there, compare groceries, walk around the taxi, try to avoid spending money on transport, take care of yrself, take care of your home where u will clean yr house automatically, control yrself from overspending, over fun, over budget...anything that is over.
Unavoidably, I have hard times in UK too, since the first year. Language as main problem, I cant speak fluent english made me afraid to approach angmo or express my thoughts, even normal chitchat will scare the shit out of me. I was sooooo eager to find some angmo friends but in the end I was soo hesitated and made none. Epic fail. My design approach is weak as usual. There's ideas but could not developed further as usual. lack of justification as usual. lack of creativity as usual. Everything just kena banned. I went tutorials turned out project get lower mark than what I expected. Im really fed up that time and lagi lost in the second semester. I skipped all tutorials and just turned up for final to present. Bang! Ironically, I got higher marks than the first project. It's so fking annoying and what you see here ya?!
Buthen the buthen! thanks god for blessing me through these yearssss. seriously!
HOW I was able to make it here??!! still continuing the course after so many criticism and low pass.
It's a miracle seriously.
Noticed my own weakness in radical, building or anything related to creativity design, I choosed urban design as my studio unit for my last year. BINGO. good choice. I've learnt alot in the course, its never boring, never abstract, no conceptual overstate ideas. Everything started off from the ground, understand the problem and propose solutions. bring it forward from a macro scale to micro level, such as a building, a public space, a furniture designed in a space. You'll see gradual scaling and transformation which made me adapted to the design process very well I would say. I get to understand the whole process from problem research, identification, statement, initial concept, proposals, solutions, designs. Design should came in these ways in order. It's quite late for me to finally understand this process.
Then, I undergone less struggle this year as I know what I want to do for my pg dip project as just go for it with full force power. iek iek. and surprisingly, I got the best results out of so many yearsss god. Proudly announced that I got 75 and 76 for both my studios subject. It's another miracle for meeee ya know! miracle that never happened in my life before. STUDIO leh!
I got the average 69 btw (over 5 subjects) sadly the professional studies dragged my score down =(
why andrew so stingy!!! I tot i could achieve higher marks as I prepared the submission quite early and everything went well in tutorials. Nvr thought that would be my lowest mark, 58 i think. U see, 58 lowest mark chehwa. DO you know, 55 to 65 was my normal range of studio's grade. so embarrassing wey!
Another miracle is I was very close toooo "DISTINCTION" if my average passed 70. and this need to be the average of my year 5 pg dip and master. which means I need to get 72 and above for my master to get that distinction. walao eh. 72 eh . itssssssss sibeh difficult I swear.
For this reason, I stressed for whole summer. Ofcourse I've got my back, ChunYee was assisted me with whole hearted,treated it like his own project. thanks my babygia. But after the first two tutorials, I'm pretty sure that my distinction gone d. We struggled and confused on what we could achieved from my project, whats the big idea of doing my project and strengthen it with statement. U know, statement is very important. WHY statement is important wo!
My supervisor is quite worried with my progression as Im quite behind. I have no choice but to pushhhh wateva I can and do it the best. And luckily we are able to produce the whole board with the needed information. And I supposed, we have no regret ya chunyee?? hehe
The feedbacks turned out half half 50-50. I dont have any clue on the result yet based on their critics and compliments hahah.
So the result will thereby confirm by tmr after the external examination. GOD bless me!
namo amitabha
Pls miracle please happen to me again.
ok. what should i write? well, i've no idea.
But i feel like writing something to express my happiness, emptiness and whatsoever after my final on 26th August. ok, again, its weird that i wrote this post in English. U know what, I started off with chinese till half way, i keep feeling that im constructing my sentence in English in my mind, and im translating them into chinese and typed it out. Then, why not write it out in English? i should practice my english writing more often kan.
Back to the topic, You have no idea what we went through for the past three months.
Since the beginning i started off this course-ARCHITECTURE. I've been through alot of hard times and denial, which lower my self-confidence. I have no idea what I'm studying, what am i doing in Taylors for that 3 years. Gained nothing, but tons and tons of negation till I'm so lost and fed up with the course.
I have no choice (well, I do have a choice to give up after 3 years) buthen that doesnt make sense when my parents spent so much on me already. I came to UK (find the cheapest way as I could-apply scholarships, cheapest air tickets, compare UK and AUS blabla). Do saved up a little bit cos I got the scholarship（proud). Buthen since the second and third year, no more scholarship for international students, for architecture students (so sucks).
Study in the UK is awesome, despite the chances to travel, the education system is more more more experienced and realistic than in Taylors. People dont simply do fancy design anymore, people dont judged the grading based on wow designs, tutors looked for convincing statement to justify our own projects, reasons, how do we get up to this stage and showed interest to listen to our learning outcomes. Moreover, some of the tutors are patient with our broken english.
Nonetheless, I have become more independent and self-controlled when I'm living alone on oversea. We have to manage daily expenses, finding cheapest house, compare here n there, compare groceries, walk around the taxi, try to avoid spending money on transport, take care of yrself, take care of your home where u will clean yr house automatically, control yrself from overspending, over fun, over budget...anything that is over.
Unavoidably, I have hard times in UK too, since the first year. Language as main problem, I cant speak fluent english made me afraid to approach angmo or express my thoughts, even normal chitchat will scare the shit out of me. I was sooooo eager to find some angmo friends but in the end I was soo hesitated and made none. Epic fail. My design approach is weak as usual. There's ideas but could not developed further as usual. lack of justification as usual. lack of creativity as usual. Everything just kena banned. I went tutorials turned out project get lower mark than what I expected. Im really fed up that time and lagi lost in the second semester. I skipped all tutorials and just turned up for final to present. Bang! Ironically, I got higher marks than the first project. It's so fking annoying and what you see here ya?!
Buthen the buthen! thanks god for blessing me through these yearssss. seriously!
HOW I was able to make it here??!! still continuing the course after so many criticism and low pass.
It's a miracle seriously.
Noticed my own weakness in radical, building or anything related to creativity design, I choosed urban design as my studio unit for my last year. BINGO. good choice. I've learnt alot in the course, its never boring, never abstract, no conceptual overstate ideas. Everything started off from the ground, understand the problem and propose solutions. bring it forward from a macro scale to micro level, such as a building, a public space, a furniture designed in a space. You'll see gradual scaling and transformation which made me adapted to the design process very well I would say. I get to understand the whole process from problem research, identification, statement, initial concept, proposals, solutions, designs. Design should came in these ways in order. It's quite late for me to finally understand this process.
Then, I undergone less struggle this year as I know what I want to do for my pg dip project as just go for it with full force power. iek iek. and surprisingly, I got the best results out of so many yearsss god. Proudly announced that I got 75 and 76 for both my studios subject. It's another miracle for meeee ya know! miracle that never happened in my life before. STUDIO leh!
I got the average 69 btw (over 5 subjects) sadly the professional studies dragged my score down =(
why andrew so stingy!!! I tot i could achieve higher marks as I prepared the submission quite early and everything went well in tutorials. Nvr thought that would be my lowest mark, 58 i think. U see, 58 lowest mark chehwa. DO you know, 55 to 65 was my normal range of studio's grade. so embarrassing wey!
Another miracle is I was very close toooo "DISTINCTION" if my average passed 70. and this need to be the average of my year 5 pg dip and master. which means I need to get 72 and above for my master to get that distinction. walao eh. 72 eh . itssssssss sibeh difficult I swear.
For this reason, I stressed for whole summer. Ofcourse I've got my back, ChunYee was assisted me with whole hearted,treated it like his own project. thanks my babygia. But after the first two tutorials, I'm pretty sure that my distinction gone d. We struggled and confused on what we could achieved from my project, whats the big idea of doing my project and strengthen it with statement. U know, statement is very important. WHY statement is important wo!
My supervisor is quite worried with my progression as Im quite behind. I have no choice but to pushhhh wateva I can and do it the best. And luckily we are able to produce the whole board with the needed information. And I supposed, we have no regret ya chunyee?? hehe
The feedbacks turned out half half 50-50. I dont have any clue on the result yet based on their critics and compliments hahah.
So the result will thereby confirm by tmr after the external examination. GOD bless me!
namo amitabha
Pls miracle please happen to me again.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
低處未算低
衰事累累，頻頻。我的眉頭緊皺了幾個禮拜才可以緩緩送了一點下來。結果，見完老師后皺得更緊了。
撇掉不說我帶塞的克高技品的命運讓我買什麽手機電腦相機都像在燒錢般的，只有永無止境的把錢倒入大海而大海不曾回贈我半顆海鮮。果然，我的塞運還沒走開。電話，的電池跟我請求它要退休啦，我不肯，它就時不時給我罷工，在這個他媽的世道還敢敢給我撒野。我決定粗生粗養，不換啦，不修啦。能用既用，不用也罷，回歸大自然的環保概念。（LOL,什麽概念啊？）
好，退一步了是吧？塞運該走了吧。
NEI!
想得美阿你。
所以在我趕final的時候，是master的final耶，我的hard disk也來增興以下。新鮮吧。它是頭一個跟我作對的。也是我目前最重要也是最新的hard disk，才一年就不安于室，可惡。
結果百忙之中又要我撥冗處理這件事兒。上網找data recovery software啦，試了一個，可是單單discover我的files就用了足足兩天，然後要list出recoverable的文件要423++小時，媽呀，我不睡，我電腦都要睡啦。
最終忍痛按停了。
就開始上網找data recovery service center. 網上的資訊五花八門，又要看可不可靠，又要看貴不貴，又要看是不是騙人的，又要看地點。哎喲我的眉頭啊。
上網問了很多quotation,最後想下想下還是決定拿去glasgow很靠近我傢的那閒弄，口碑不錯，而且我能夠親自拿上門看看環境。可是又奈何他的價錢介於250磅至450磅。還寫明，data recovery本來就是一種比較貴的服務。 別無辦法之下，我硬著頭皮寫封信給他跟他說我是個學生，這個價錢貴，負擔不起，可不可以便宜給我。哈哈。
今天，就拿了給他看看。再看看他怎麽說。
說完兩個煩惱，還有兩個大事！統統一湧而來。我還健在這裡打字，我覺得我還行耶。
好，回來再説。
未完待續。
——————————————————————
好，我回來了。
不過回來以後並未收拾好自己的心情，一陣陣失落感還是不斷侵蝕我這顆不強大的心。很失敗。。。。
比比說，我寫blog不是在審視自己的價值，而是不斷在無病呻吟，悲情自己。自我憐憫，把自己搞得超沒自信。its just a fucking waste of time.
well well well..............................
讀了這科那麽多年，只是一昧的被再三否定。然後又只能自己去摸索，去找真理，自信心怎麽可能會上升。我不能說我做出了百分之一百的努力去提升自己，所以我不能投訴什麽。可是要在這個博大精深的題材裏找到可以跟它聯係的click真不是一件容易的事。
天生沒這個本事，還真是沒這個本事。比比說，我這句話，是牛糞。
原以爲我真的找到一點click了。可是這短短的三個月，和我要做的題目！怎麽可能我這顆腦袋辦得到呢？如果我可以，早就儅了top student 啦。還在這裡干嘛呢？畫圖去了拉。
比比又說，你不要每次遇到小小挫折就在那邊悲天憐憫，垂頭喪氣啦。看到你還真的不耐煩。
我轉身偷偷流下了一顆小淚珠，也默默地拭去那顆小淚珠，可任憑我如何擦，也擦不走那顆在心底深處淌下的小小淚珠兒。。。。。。。。。
就這樣，我帶著我淚珠兒在周公所裏展開自己的冒險路程。
淚珠兒，你要乖啊，以後只剩咱倆相依爲命啦。
你爹不要我們啦。
你要爭氣啊~
撇掉不說我帶塞的克高技品的命運讓我買什麽手機電腦相機都像在燒錢般的，只有永無止境的把錢倒入大海而大海不曾回贈我半顆海鮮。果然，我的塞運還沒走開。電話，的電池跟我請求它要退休啦，我不肯，它就時不時給我罷工，在這個他媽的世道還敢敢給我撒野。我決定粗生粗養，不換啦，不修啦。能用既用，不用也罷，回歸大自然的環保概念。（LOL,什麽概念啊？）
好，退一步了是吧？塞運該走了吧。
NEI!
想得美阿你。
所以在我趕final的時候，是master的final耶，我的hard disk也來增興以下。新鮮吧。它是頭一個跟我作對的。也是我目前最重要也是最新的hard disk，才一年就不安于室，可惡。
結果百忙之中又要我撥冗處理這件事兒。上網找data recovery software啦，試了一個，可是單單discover我的files就用了足足兩天，然後要list出recoverable的文件要423++小時，媽呀，我不睡，我電腦都要睡啦。
最終忍痛按停了。
就開始上網找data recovery service center. 網上的資訊五花八門，又要看可不可靠，又要看貴不貴，又要看是不是騙人的，又要看地點。哎喲我的眉頭啊。
上網問了很多quotation,最後想下想下還是決定拿去glasgow很靠近我傢的那閒弄，口碑不錯，而且我能夠親自拿上門看看環境。可是又奈何他的價錢介於250磅至450磅。還寫明，data recovery本來就是一種比較貴的服務。 別無辦法之下，我硬著頭皮寫封信給他跟他說我是個學生，這個價錢貴，負擔不起，可不可以便宜給我。哈哈。
今天，就拿了給他看看。再看看他怎麽說。
說完兩個煩惱，還有兩個大事！統統一湧而來。我還健在這裡打字，我覺得我還行耶。
好，回來再説。
未完待續。
——————————————————————
好，我回來了。
不過回來以後並未收拾好自己的心情，一陣陣失落感還是不斷侵蝕我這顆不強大的心。很失敗。。。。
比比說，我寫blog不是在審視自己的價值，而是不斷在無病呻吟，悲情自己。自我憐憫，把自己搞得超沒自信。its just a fucking waste of time.
well well well..............................
讀了這科那麽多年，只是一昧的被再三否定。然後又只能自己去摸索，去找真理，自信心怎麽可能會上升。我不能說我做出了百分之一百的努力去提升自己，所以我不能投訴什麽。可是要在這個博大精深的題材裏找到可以跟它聯係的click真不是一件容易的事。
天生沒這個本事，還真是沒這個本事。比比說，我這句話，是牛糞。
原以爲我真的找到一點click了。可是這短短的三個月，和我要做的題目！怎麽可能我這顆腦袋辦得到呢？如果我可以，早就儅了top student 啦。還在這裡干嘛呢？畫圖去了拉。
比比又說，你不要每次遇到小小挫折就在那邊悲天憐憫，垂頭喪氣啦。看到你還真的不耐煩。
我轉身偷偷流下了一顆小淚珠，也默默地拭去那顆小淚珠，可任憑我如何擦，也擦不走那顆在心底深處淌下的小小淚珠兒。。。。。。。。。
就這樣，我帶著我淚珠兒在周公所裏展開自己的冒險路程。
淚珠兒，你要乖啊，以後只剩咱倆相依爲命啦。
你爹不要我們啦。
你要爭氣啊~
Sunday, July 27, 2014
晴天霹靂
爲什麽？
ottokae?!!!!
不明白。
接受不到！！！！！
剛剛吃晚餐的時候，也沒吃什麽硬質的食物，可是突然感覺到好像有骨頭卡在門牙縫的位置。怎麽用指甲摳也弄不走。於是我叫寶貝給我看看，初初還看不出是什麽咚咚。所以他拿了針來幫我挑。怎知，我竟然從他的眼鏡反射下看到自己的門牙角落崩了一小塊！！！
怎麽搞嗒！！ 怎麽可能！
是很小一塊，不認真看還真看不出。可是！認真看之下！我就會不斷看到那個缺陷。越來越被放大的缺陷！而且是無可挽回的缺陷！
爲什麽我那麽的激動？
因爲從小到大我最引以爲傲的部分就是我的牙齒。純天然無添加。我很慶幸牙齒可以生得那麽整齊，而且從小就被稱讚牙齒漂亮，笑容甜美。是我的標誌了你知道嗎。
可是，近幾年我漸漸發現我的下排牙齒越來越擁擠不整齊，不知道是不是智慧牙的緣故。我經已沮喪不已。
我最討厭的噩夢便是夢見自己的牙齒崩了。
如今，叫我如何接受現在它們不美了呢？
最令我擔心的是，燈照之下發現我那個崩了一角的牙齒竟然有裂紋。OMG！
來吧，大雨灑在我頭上吧！
真的不知道，它會不會有一天突然之間直接崩掉一半。
這個不知道幾時爆炸的炸彈我該怎樣拆除呢？
我滿腦子都在想好不好現在就去看個牙醫，能修就修，不能修好不好弄個假牙或植牙呢？
真的很不想突然上班上到一半牙齒崩掉了，笑又不是，開口也不是，請假又不是，躲在家又不是。
真的接收不到。
我真的接受不到這個打擊。
ottokae?!!!!
不明白。
接受不到！！！！！
剛剛吃晚餐的時候，也沒吃什麽硬質的食物，可是突然感覺到好像有骨頭卡在門牙縫的位置。怎麽用指甲摳也弄不走。於是我叫寶貝給我看看，初初還看不出是什麽咚咚。所以他拿了針來幫我挑。怎知，我竟然從他的眼鏡反射下看到自己的門牙角落崩了一小塊！！！
怎麽搞嗒！！ 怎麽可能！
是很小一塊，不認真看還真看不出。可是！認真看之下！我就會不斷看到那個缺陷。越來越被放大的缺陷！而且是無可挽回的缺陷！
爲什麽我那麽的激動？
因爲從小到大我最引以爲傲的部分就是我的牙齒。純天然無添加。我很慶幸牙齒可以生得那麽整齊，而且從小就被稱讚牙齒漂亮，笑容甜美。是我的標誌了你知道嗎。
可是，近幾年我漸漸發現我的下排牙齒越來越擁擠不整齊，不知道是不是智慧牙的緣故。我經已沮喪不已。
我最討厭的噩夢便是夢見自己的牙齒崩了。
如今，叫我如何接受現在它們不美了呢？
最令我擔心的是，燈照之下發現我那個崩了一角的牙齒竟然有裂紋。OMG！
來吧，大雨灑在我頭上吧！
真的不知道，它會不會有一天突然之間直接崩掉一半。
這個不知道幾時爆炸的炸彈我該怎樣拆除呢？
我滿腦子都在想好不好現在就去看個牙醫，能修就修，不能修好不好弄個假牙或植牙呢？
真的很不想突然上班上到一半牙齒崩掉了，笑又不是，開口也不是，請假又不是，躲在家又不是。
真的接收不到。
我真的接受不到這個打擊。
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Saturday, June 7, 2014
昨天早上的夢
當我知道了家裏的事情后的那兩三天
我的思緒被愁雲籠罩著
蓋掉了我得到歷年來得到最佳成績的喜悅
滿腹都是抱怨 對他的申訴
越是不滿 我就越覺得不對不孝不可以
可是内心深處糾結著的是 他更不應該
結果心裏不斷辱駡著 良心不斷責怪著 頭腦不斷播放起 心裏又在痛徹著
我看戯 看什麽戯 都可以把他跟家裏聯想起來
看《女人俱樂部》裏的肥菜 對自己沒自信 對老公的絕對信任和依賴 認定了她后半輩子也非這個男人莫屬
可是後來這個男人更愛他自己 選擇逼迫自己的妻子背叛朋友 嫌棄她卻用花言巧語來欺騙她的信任 最後肥菜勇敢地做出決定 遠離了他 偶然遇到了另一個更好的 過著更好的明天
看著她，我看到了我媽媽。我會想 原本我也以爲我們的家庭就是這樣了。定定的臉孔一直到終老。 可是世事真的是會這樣嗎？那媽媽以後的日子會更好嗎？他會變好嗎？還是。。。。
看《脫軌時代》裏的男主角背叛了老婆，老婆決議離婚。他很懊悔，試圖挽救，可是她不肯。那男主角戯裏的落魄樣子又讓我聯想起了我爸爸。 如果我們都離開了他 他會像他一樣那麽可憐嗎 那麽孤單嗎 那麽潦倒嗎 我看著男主角的時候，我是很心痛的。打從心裏不想爸爸淪落至此
那爲什麽人總是要狠狠得到教訓后 把大家逼得無後退之路后 才懂得挽回 才想要逼自己改過
然後沉澱過後 覺得自己想那麽多不能補事
一家人一遇上問題只懂得要分離 經不起考驗的 還可以談得上是一家人嗎？
以爲自己不再想的儅兒
做了一個夢
夢見了我們一家人 齊齊整整的 在馬來西亞
到了一家類似財務公司/銀行？ 去取錢
然後拿負責人在提錢的時候問了媽媽一句 怎麽這次沒像上兩個月一樣取完整個月的錢呢
我看了看妹妹 看了看媽媽 爸媽都沒回答 靜靜的
我内心聯想到的是 原來他們透支了錢來替爸爸還債
後來錢拿到手后 爸爸立刻馬上就一把搶過那筆錢 顧狀數一數 然後塞進褲袋
媽媽說數清楚 我心理不信任爸爸 不給面子的在他口袋裏拿過那筆錢 自己數 也擔心他會私吞 胡亂用錢等不好的念頭
心中怒火冒上頭 我轉頭就走了
離開之際 媽媽突然快步走向前頭的樓梯角落 狠狠的踹在墻上哭著發洩心中委屈
然後狂罵爸爸 爸爸雖眼泛淚光 可是不堪被罵 欲出手打媽媽
我見狀立刻上前推開爸爸 並出手打了他 按耐不住脾氣 我將我多年擱在心裏的話一口氣罵了出來
。。。。。。
你不知道的嗎？
。。。。。。
你不知道的嗎？
。。。。。。
你不知道的嗎？
每罵一句 就問這句
發洩到一半
被比比的鬧鐘
給嚇醒了
可是夢裏的情節卻還很清楚
真的不知道該怎麽樣
我的思緒被愁雲籠罩著
蓋掉了我得到歷年來得到最佳成績的喜悅
滿腹都是抱怨 對他的申訴
越是不滿 我就越覺得不對不孝不可以
可是内心深處糾結著的是 他更不應該
結果心裏不斷辱駡著 良心不斷責怪著 頭腦不斷播放起 心裏又在痛徹著
我看戯 看什麽戯 都可以把他跟家裏聯想起來
看《女人俱樂部》裏的肥菜 對自己沒自信 對老公的絕對信任和依賴 認定了她后半輩子也非這個男人莫屬
可是後來這個男人更愛他自己 選擇逼迫自己的妻子背叛朋友 嫌棄她卻用花言巧語來欺騙她的信任 最後肥菜勇敢地做出決定 遠離了他 偶然遇到了另一個更好的 過著更好的明天
看著她，我看到了我媽媽。我會想 原本我也以爲我們的家庭就是這樣了。定定的臉孔一直到終老。 可是世事真的是會這樣嗎？那媽媽以後的日子會更好嗎？他會變好嗎？還是。。。。
看《脫軌時代》裏的男主角背叛了老婆，老婆決議離婚。他很懊悔，試圖挽救，可是她不肯。那男主角戯裏的落魄樣子又讓我聯想起了我爸爸。 如果我們都離開了他 他會像他一樣那麽可憐嗎 那麽孤單嗎 那麽潦倒嗎 我看著男主角的時候，我是很心痛的。打從心裏不想爸爸淪落至此
那爲什麽人總是要狠狠得到教訓后 把大家逼得無後退之路后 才懂得挽回 才想要逼自己改過
然後沉澱過後 覺得自己想那麽多不能補事
一家人一遇上問題只懂得要分離 經不起考驗的 還可以談得上是一家人嗎？
以爲自己不再想的儅兒
做了一個夢
夢見了我們一家人 齊齊整整的 在馬來西亞
到了一家類似財務公司/銀行？ 去取錢
然後拿負責人在提錢的時候問了媽媽一句 怎麽這次沒像上兩個月一樣取完整個月的錢呢
我看了看妹妹 看了看媽媽 爸媽都沒回答 靜靜的
我内心聯想到的是 原來他們透支了錢來替爸爸還債
後來錢拿到手后 爸爸立刻馬上就一把搶過那筆錢 顧狀數一數 然後塞進褲袋
媽媽說數清楚 我心理不信任爸爸 不給面子的在他口袋裏拿過那筆錢 自己數 也擔心他會私吞 胡亂用錢等不好的念頭
心中怒火冒上頭 我轉頭就走了
離開之際 媽媽突然快步走向前頭的樓梯角落 狠狠的踹在墻上哭著發洩心中委屈
然後狂罵爸爸 爸爸雖眼泛淚光 可是不堪被罵 欲出手打媽媽
我見狀立刻上前推開爸爸 並出手打了他 按耐不住脾氣 我將我多年擱在心裏的話一口氣罵了出來
。。。。。。
你不知道的嗎？
。。。。。。
你不知道的嗎？
。。。。。。
你不知道的嗎？
每罵一句 就問這句
發洩到一半
被比比的鬧鐘
給嚇醒了
可是夢裏的情節卻還很清楚
真的不知道該怎麽樣
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
我的夢想家
依稀記得，曾經家裏經濟有問題，爸爸必須在我小學期間跳飛機到美國去。留下了媽媽一個人照顧我們，照顧生計。
結果一句說什麽，太想念家裏了。堂堂男兒一個月后就回來。貼上了飛機票，並沒有帶回來些什麽。
從此以後，他就沒有再像從前一樣淩晨作息，改到晚上去載魚。不再出檔。 媽媽依舊沒有假日，沒有怨言，辛勤工作著。
後來，我們慢慢的都得到了駕照。他的依賴心和推卸能力越來越強。拼了命的只想把該做的退給我們然後每天每夜到夜店去吃喝玩樂。理由是，我們那麽大了，不該為家裏做些事情嗎？
當然該，可是不是該該讓你去培養你的惰性，你的貪玩，你的不能和媽媽共患難。
多少個令人生氣的理由和字眼我都往心裏吞去了。很想對著你大罵一場。就是因爲那所謂的長幼有序，不能沒大沒小。我統統都沒爆發出來。
到今日，我才更加肯定。孝順是不會解決問題的。孝順不再是我想象的一切。
人的本性是這樣？你要這樣？你不願意更改？那好吧，我們不是你變好的理由。你也不再是我需要顧慮的一部分。
等了你那麽多年，久的連想要追溯你幾時開始變成這樣都變得很模糊了。最令我痛心的，應該是等待著你的改變，等了4年吧。
達從一開始你知道我會出國讀書。那時候的你，瞎了眼。不斷想要一夜致富，不勞而獲，拼老命的買字， 迷上夜店，到處去周遊列國，而媽媽就只能，永遠只能擺在家裏幫你顧著生意，顧著我們。 我那時經已肯定了，你是愛你自己多過愛我媽。 你沒有想過讓她也有機會像你一樣，你沒想過輪流你們的工作。你就仗著媽媽愛你，你欺負她。你把這一切當作理所當然。豈有此理。
我們那麽小，都看在眼裏。看著你的所做所為。
不讓你去夜店，你說我們坏孩子，不理會我們。
不幫你載魚，你說我們沒出息，沒有為家裏做什麽。
一直逼你出檔，你說我們不孝，說什麽檔口不需要你。
然後，儅我們稍對你有意見，你說我們沒有尊敬你，你是一家之主。
其實，你不是很久了。
當我在申請來英國的那一年，你就每天很有建設的躺在床上，不斷在我耳邊投訴家裏沒錢，說我用了家裏很多錢。拼了命把自己悲化，勢要把自己從沒病熬成憂鬱病才罷休。還強說自己先走該多好。自私！
跟你說了很多遍，其實是你在把我們逼向憂鬱邊緣。幸虧媽媽心裏強大，不然面對你這個無病呻吟的另一半，後果堪與。你只會逃避！你走了，媽媽一個人你有沒有想過你講的這句話一點都不惹人可憐，反而是讓人覺得你很7 自私！
你永遠沒辦法擔起你的責任，那時候的你只會用你的負能量來歡送我出國，從來不會想辦法！從來不會！ 而媽媽比你強大多了，她永遠報喜不報憂。明知家裏情況還給我安慰給我信心，會想辦法。
我已經告訴過你了，我來英國后麻煩你振作，想想未來半百后的路該怎麽走。等了一年過一年，結果家裏事情你處理不到，連自己的不會自律。
爲什麽明知道家裏沒錢，還有死要去賭錢。
爲什麽你不能腳踏實地你他媽的是不是我老豆阿。
你是不是我認識的那個人啊？
你知不知道從我聼回來的是，你就像電視劇裏的那些糟老豆，你很陌生耶！
你是不是要把家裏所有人都逼瘋啊。
我本來可以開開心心報喜。開心繼續碩士。可是被你增興了。
你真的讓我太失望了。
太失望了。
我再怎麽失望，也應該心痛不過那個女人。
但我又能怎樣，我不斷替她不值。
可是她是那個願意矇著眼睛讓這一切惡化的那個女人。
如果當初不打算照顧家庭，就不要隨便要個家！
Saturday, May 3, 2014
距離是很可怕的。
人生漫漫 才短短的兩三年 便足以讓我看到身邊人事物所起帶來的變化
如何叫停也阻止不了時間快速的流逝
呼嘯而過 眨眼閒但卻有著意識的來到 最後一年了
我本來帶著祝福來到這裡展開一個人的求學生涯
但這個過程中 我不孤獨
我身邊有著一個人給我提點 給我鼓勵 給我安慰 給我怒駡 給我別人不屑給與的關注 給我臉色 給我知識 給我幫助 給我批判 給我開解 給我想法 給我動手動腳 給我很多
所以佔據我的整個生活 代表了也概括了我在英國的生活
家人的關愛 已經不是對著三嵗小孩那般的萬般寵愛 也不是中學時的那樣嘮嘮叨叨
不是我要來英國那一年時的叮嚀囑咐 萬般不捨了
少了這些 可能是多了一種放心 沒什麽好擔心的放心 讓我在這裡自由發揮
所以開始不聞不問
朋友(們)的關注 之間發生的變化其實讓我感受最多最深刻也是最難以釋懷的
不甘心我曾經的心意被糟蹋 那麽多年的友誼原來是那麽弱不禁風
不認爲工作男友時間距離是什麽靠譜的藉口
無論最後誰付出過了什麽功夫感覺上再想要從前那樣已經變得遙不可及的事
無論最後誰付出過了什麽功夫感覺上再想要從前那樣已經變得遙不可及的事
不想再去想那些遺憾可惜因爲時光不能倒退
是這樣想的
有點不是很滿意自己的無病呻吟
美化自己悲情自己總是時下人的詬病
但是請你自己記住
這些變化只不過是你短短人生路裏頭十分之一不到的歷程
如果就在此停滯不前 步履蹣跚 唯唯諾諾的不斷質疑自己
以後的路 何以前進呐
不錯
還剩下一個月
請你加油
請你努力
請你不顧一切爲了一個目標奮進
————
我親愛的鼠妹
不知道你會看到這些不
我知道也感受到
感情的事情你可以自己處理也不需要任何人在你耳邊嘮叨
可是畢竟人的心就只有這麽大
就算裝不下別人的話也可以把你自己的垃圾丟掉
我可以成爲你的清道伕 只要你願意
兩個人的世界裏難免會有被欺負的一方
互相欺負可當情趣
當只有一方默默承受漸漸演變成的是無趣
沒有必要一直認爲自己有多不足所以一直不斷要做什麽來滿足誰
如果誰感受到了你的心 信就是信 愛就是愛
只有你自己知道自己想要什麽 知道自己夠了沒有
反而在你沒心情想別的事情的時候
也剛好發生了這件事情的時候
我檢視了一下我們的關係
其實不得否認的 我們生疏了
足以痛心
可是距離分化的關係 漸漸變少的話題 變得籠統的關心
我就知道想要恢復以前那樣 想要把這段關係變好
需時啊
我已經不清楚你的經歷了
在新加坡 我就已經深刻感受到我們的分離
你在房裏睡著 抱著你 我有點感受不到你
你在睡夢裏厭煩的松了一松 突然我腦海裏出現以前我們多麽的熟悉
互抱入眠的情景 可是我覺得那刻的你不再需要我
所以我偷偷流下了眼淚
一起出遊可是不能好好的聊上幾句
沒有話題
那時你回到家 我們的話題除了她還是只有她
你工作的事情我不知道
我讀書的事情你不懂
是不是對彼此的生活不再有興趣呢
是不是真的我們不再需要對方
你記得我們的關係也是由坏變好的嗎
你記得曾幾何時我們同床但不熟悉嗎
你記得何時開始我們宛如雙生姐妹嗎
當這些陌生的感覺產生
我就不斷的回想從前 不想讓對你的印象變得更模糊
想的當兒 心又被割痛了一次
[ 感激你最开心的人，用你笑聲修補我不幸, 你無法放開開心的責任,
抱著心事無人問， 壯烈犧牲，你的名字是，父母親 ] —— 愛我請留言
裏面有很多句子
有些我聼著很諷刺很僞裝
有些我聼著覺得特有意思
共勉之
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
我喜欢看电视
两年前，来到了英国，才发现自己真的满喜欢室内设计的。
就心血来潮在youtube找了室内设计的节目来增长知识。就发现了，
[ 幸福空间]。
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7FerAswXewzZ1S7_Ev7ePA
这是个台湾节目。
内容刚开始是介绍小坪数住宅如何透过设计收纳而变得宽敞，舒适。小坪数也不会悲哀，还可以有意想不到的空间。
多数案件都是5-10坪之间，楼梯下，和室架高来利用地下空间为收纳等方法都是常见的。
一个家如果要看起来不平庸，除了设计，家私，格局，我想最重要的是如何收纳。
如何把东西藏的漂亮，时尚，适用。是一门大学问。
节目后来渐渐转向豪宅设计，20-30，甚至50坪以上的大房子。
这时教会我的是—— 材质，家私摆设，色调，风格，调动格局来完整动线， 空间设计整体性等。很兴奋认识到了很多不同的材质，混搭，手工，工法。
经过了这个节目以后，我萌生了想要到台湾发展的念头。想学习他们细腻的工法，认识材质设计配搭。本人觉得目前，在马来西亚我还看不到手工这回事。材质运用方面（住宅）在我参观过的房子里（有限的）是属于单调，欠缺的。（愚见愚见）
可是节目介绍到最后，我开始疲乏了。因为所介绍的大多数是富贵人士所负担的起的设计。如果星斗市民如我，想要自己动手改造我的老家，该如何是好呢？
又有一天，
我看到影片旁边有个小thumbnail写着“6人六坪的家”， 我就按了进去。
之后，上瘾般的不能自拔。日夜都在追看。
[超級全能住宅改造王]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZGvmGgaRYg
这是个日本节目。
这个是我喜欢的改造之一，建筑师懂得利用学生力量来参与学校餐厅的改造，学生的创意来贡献改造，甚至是全校学生也可以在这次改造中留下足迹。很聪明，很有热诚。
节目有别于幸福空间。它首先介绍的是一个空间/住宅/建筑物所面临的问题，带给住户的不便。多数为现有建筑，不是新建的。然后就是介绍建筑师出场。建筑师会到住户家进行探访勘察。然后就是开始动工啦，这节目非常用心的也会介绍拆除，补强结构等步骤。由于这个节目会列明客户的预算，所以建筑师必须考量设计和建筑方式来减低预算。
喜欢这个节目细细的介绍解释了建筑师对于问题的解决方式。
日本大多数建筑物都是木架结构，透过这个节目也认识了很多各种不同的底部（foundation), 基座修补方式，patterns，木作工法，过程敲敲打打的搭起了房子，真的很过瘾，很有完成后快感。
解决房子的防潮，寒冷，屋顶等也是很大的知识。insulations (御寒）也有很多不同的方法和步骤。当我i细细看完几集后，也对section detail 了解了个大概。Year 3的时候刚到英国初来报到，连insulation干吗都不知道就必须画section drawings, 真是夭寿。现在透过这个节目就看到了这些切面图上的2D材料的真实模样和用法。让我更加觉得现场教育比书面教育重要。
同时间，不同的建材有不同的处理方式。这个节目也会跟随建筑师去到不同工厂去拍摄过程。让我对不同的建材有了更多的认识。也了解了它们的特别的运用功能。很好！
这个节目也介绍了建筑师为每个家庭设计的创意巧思 intervention. 基本上都不是市面上售出的现成品。而是建筑师本身设计，亲手到工厂打造的。他们也会废物利用建材来制造不一样的东西或作为装饰。真的让我打开眼界。厉害的是，他们也会利用local material 当地材料来做建材融入设计中，让这个家多了一份道地感。
它让我爱上建和筑。我和俊毅同样的有着类似的目标，希望能够有自己的team来改造，搭建房子或家私。
它让我更爱古宅。节目中都有着江川时期或日本古宅的改造。的确是我有兴趣的地方。让久物有了新生命。可以保存，继续使命。将来还可以看到历史。我坚信历史是一个地方的代表。人会走，记忆会流失。那谁来说故事呢？
它让我恍然。原来日本的屋子可以那么的小，密密麻麻，连基本的plot boundary都没有，窗户打开可以碰到隔壁房子的墙。
它让我看见创意。每个案件的结果都是那么的独一无二没有重复。每个建筑师的方案和设计都是那么独到。
它让我看到热忱。建筑人员对技术传承和宣扬的热忱。建筑师对自己设计的东西精益求精。对客户的要求竭尽所能。顿时我觉得，能够帮助别人解决问题，让他们开心的热忱是多么的令人鼓舞。
它让我感动。让我对我现在读着的这一科--建筑Architecture有不同的诠释。有不同的喜爱。
有别于幸福空间的室内成品和设计介绍。 日本注重的是过程和问题解决设计。同时间，我们又发现另外一个类似的日本改造节目-超乎想象—住宅改造王。
这个节目是以 建筑承包商contractor，装修工人的角度来看房子建造的问题和过程。建筑师只是设计师。并没有常常出现在镜头里（建筑工地里）。建案通常是买地自建的。有时地的坪数不大还要offset以后， 适用面积变得前所未有的小的不能再小。哀哉。除了设计必须克服狭小而有着奇特的房屋造型和空间，建筑团队也同样面对挑战，有些专家甚至会说，第一次遇到这样的建筑方式。 又比方说，不同建筑工地地点/地理位置都不同，有不同的挑战。如何将材料运到工地是个也会是个棘手的问题。临时遇到的问题，延期，天气等问题也是不可忽视。 层层皆辛苦。
所以我说，不同的节目都有着不同的得着。学到不同的知识。
建筑这个行业可以非常制式， 跟金钱利益挂钩。也可以有着人情味和热忱。
大有大作，小有小作咯。
记得以前我就非常留意室内设计的节目。
包括新加坡的李国煌和禄江主持的flat 改造。满有趣的。可以自己着手DIY改造家。
马来西亚呢，我记得有个华人室内设计师。他用马来语主持过一个节目是介绍马来西亚室内设计的。多数客户是友族同胞。设计风格也是偏向马来风味。至于in overall, 我觉得马来西亚还是缺乏这类资讯节目。
所以说嘛，谁说看电视不好。看得其所，明白自己在看什么最重要。
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
金鸡.独立
一切源自金鸡SSS，
我知道金鸡系列已经好几年了，应该是自从它被推出的时候吧，可是那时候并不会上网下载看，时隔多年以后也并没有促使我想要去找这部片子出来看的动力，终告不了了之。
直到今年新春推出了《金鸡SSS》， 我喜欢这个词儿。蛮可爱的中西合并，加上卡司强大，令我对这部片子更有兴趣。然后就上网想要找找，遍寻不获之下，唯有看第一部和第二部了解个大概呗。
一看便知龙与凤。我喜欢。
即便它的海报预告制作的何其淫荡糜烂，让你有可能觉得这部片子是低俗三级， 看了之后，
你会发现，没错，这就是社会所佩戴着的有色眼镜。
从小，父母并没有跟我如何弹劾这个行业，爸妈会告诉我们他们也会遇到问题危险，只为找吃而已，所以我觉得“北姑”，“鸡”这些称呼实在侮辱。
跟随妈妈出巴杀的时候，都会看到北国佳丽们在巴杀找生意。原本被规划为电子大厦的这栋楼后来变成生意场所。每当晚上载鱼回档口的时候，我都会满感慨的望着这栋楼外的一扇扇窗，想到里面的女子是带着什么样的故事必须流落异乡。
或许是太过自以为悲观，或许只是纯粹为了钱，没什么值得悲戚的。。。。。
我记得一个场面，那时候和爸爸刚刚早上六时放工到巴杀里的food court吃东西，当然会看到佳丽们在和男生聊天等，吃到一半，突然身边所有桌子的女子像大逃亡斯的得从我们身边向四周窜逃，一瞬间不见踪影，原来是扫黄组驾到。 那个画面是无法想象般的夸张。对，我们这些‘乖乖’的，应该没什么见识大场面。可是我很庆幸我看到这个社会的的确确存在着的画面。我不是温室里的小花到一种地步不食人间烟火，不知世界艰难，还不至于，还不至于。
反倒是，从电视剧里看到的都是弹劾这个行业。一昧灌输社会下一代，性工作者的不堪和污浊，如何荼毒社会等等负面思想。
敬而远之不代表这个行业从此没落于这年代，不代表它不曾存在或是从此不再存在。
社会的教育只是禁止了一小部分的人去认识，接触和了解这个因为社会而生，并且与其他各层阶级一样，想要努力在这个所谓的社会，共存，更甚只是祈求生存的行业。
不让接触的，只是想要营造美好社会假象，实际上，你认为有能力，能想象美好的社会只是冰山一角的，金字塔上只占5%而已。
好，话说回这部电影。
故事开始于，“阿金”这位女子在提钱的时候被一位失意人打劫。不巧的有被困住了。为了渡过漫漫夜晚，阿金开始叙述自己的故事来激励这位失意人。娓娓道说了她如何自小接触的这个行业，并不是想象中如此灰，是有开心的时候的。 她很善良，开朗，热情，乐于助人的很。这个行业让她见识了不同人种，闹出不同笑话。唯有你们自己去体会咯。
第二部就说世界来到了2046年，阿金90++岁了，为了让失恋想要删除记忆的孙子了解到记忆的可贵性，开始重温了往事。故事当中穿插了第一集的一些情节。互通而不突兀。也讲述了香港在沙士期间的点滴。总而言之，我觉得有意义。
两部曲看完以后，我觉得它不是笑笑出场就算了。这部电影的编排剪接对白是有在说故事的，是让你觉得你以为的这个事情，其实不是那样的。 里面该感动的时候不做作的我也会想哭了起来。里面的好人好事，如果你用低俗的眼光，恐怕就会在此错过。复杂的环境里还是有可能会有好人好事的。
它会让你觉得，每一份职业都不是你看得那么低的低，那么惨的惨，细细看，有很多别人体会/体验不了的经验。都是一份记忆。
让我更期待《金3》。
Sunday, March 16, 2014
吴俊毅分享笑笑没烦恼之蓝宝吉尼vsKancil
有一天，一辆kancil 坏了停在路旁，哪知道lamborgini刚好经过，lamborgini 的车主好心下车看看 kancil.
车主就说: 恩，可能引擎出问题了，需要修理了，不过这里又是high way，怎么办呢，我的车刚好有铁链，不如让我托你的车子走吧。
kancil车主就说：要咩？不好意思呐！
lamborgini车主又说：没关系啦！我也刚好要进城市，帮帮你吧！
不过，我怕不小心驾快了，如果我越来越快的话，你打高灯给我知道，那我就会放慢的了。lamborgini就这样拉着kancil走。。。。
突然！！！
有一辆 ferrari 来到，ferrari就一直踩油门显示在"jio" lemborgini 赛车，lemborgini 终于忍不住了，他们赛车了起来了。。。
他们赛车时不幸被 Speed Track 拍到，结果抓超速的警察看到。
警察很慌张的打电话给上司：
报告……我发现很恐怖的事情，就是当我在 duty 时track到 ferrari 和lamborgini 在赛车。
他们车速是220km/j。
警察的上司就说： 220km/j？很正常啦，有什么好奇怪的？
警察又说：就是最恐怖的就是 lamborgini后面有一辆kancil跟得很帖还一直打高灯叫 lamborgini 让开啊！！！！
（转载自网络）
Monday, March 10, 2014
世界真是不小
我很喜欢上GOoGle EarTh逛逛。看看宇宙，看看地球，看看别的国家，看看浩瀚世界， 再看看自己。
真的会发现自己非常渺小。
在地球上逛一圈，我会感慨万分。
感谢科技的发达，可以把世界的缩影摆进荧幕里。如此清晰如此亲近。
遥远的地方不再遥远，一个按键就能带你看世界。大开眼界。
我们设计行业不需要时时亲身去site visit, 也能对site来个了解。
当然不是每个国家都有street view,可能是基于国家私隐问题吧。
不过，真的非常感谢带着摄像机走访世界各地的他们。
感动世界之大蕴藏了很多特别的地方，充满神秘和惊喜。
有着很多美好的地方。
不同国家，不同背景，冬天国家之下慢慢移向热带领土，孕育不同人种。不同肤色。
很神奇。每次逛一次我都会惊叹一次。
这些明明注定的事情，是经过长年累月累积而成的。
我特爱看古物，很喜欢想象以前的年代，以前的生活。
所以真的很喜欢文化背景被呵护发扬的国家。
因为他们懂得自己的根源，资本。
当我反复思量我们国家的文化痕迹在哪呢？
有的，我还感受到。我还看过。至于未来的孩子，不能保证了。
越来越单薄的历史足迹，你还会忠于你的根吗？
你还懂得你所谓爱着的国家是从何而来的吗？
感慨的是，这么多美丽的文化建筑陪伴着的人们，还是不知足，不珍惜。
战争，互害，贪婪，什么来着， 都有。
糟蹋了破坏了天赐良田。
好可惜。
哦，我发现德国的主要景点建筑物都设有内部street view, 也就是说不费分毫就可以参观博物馆里面，惊奇吧。不信？
去看看
Porsche Musuem, Stuggart, Germany
Mercedez Benz Museum, Stuggart, Germany
不够？
不妨随便点点任何一个城市的市中心里的其中一栋景点。
把那个小人儿拖到建筑物上呗。
看看有无惊喜吧。
好啦拜！
真的会发现自己非常渺小。
在地球上逛一圈，我会感慨万分。
感谢科技的发达，可以把世界的缩影摆进荧幕里。如此清晰如此亲近。
遥远的地方不再遥远，一个按键就能带你看世界。大开眼界。
我们设计行业不需要时时亲身去site visit, 也能对site来个了解。
当然不是每个国家都有street view,可能是基于国家私隐问题吧。
不过，真的非常感谢带着摄像机走访世界各地的他们。
感动世界之大蕴藏了很多特别的地方，充满神秘和惊喜。
有着很多美好的地方。
不同国家，不同背景，冬天国家之下慢慢移向热带领土，孕育不同人种。不同肤色。
很神奇。每次逛一次我都会惊叹一次。
这些明明注定的事情，是经过长年累月累积而成的。
我特爱看古物，很喜欢想象以前的年代，以前的生活。
所以真的很喜欢文化背景被呵护发扬的国家。
因为他们懂得自己的根源，资本。
当我反复思量我们国家的文化痕迹在哪呢？
有的，我还感受到。我还看过。至于未来的孩子，不能保证了。
越来越单薄的历史足迹，你还会忠于你的根吗？
你还懂得你所谓爱着的国家是从何而来的吗？
感慨的是，这么多美丽的文化建筑陪伴着的人们，还是不知足，不珍惜。
战争，互害，贪婪，什么来着， 都有。
糟蹋了破坏了天赐良田。
好可惜。
哦，我发现德国的主要景点建筑物都设有内部street view, 也就是说不费分毫就可以参观博物馆里面，惊奇吧。不信？
去看看
Porsche Musuem, Stuggart, Germany
Mercedez Benz Museum, Stuggart, Germany
不够？
不妨随便点点任何一个城市的市中心里的其中一栋景点。
把那个小人儿拖到建筑物上呗。
看看有无惊喜吧。
好啦拜！
Monday, February 24, 2014
发式进化论
如果翻看回小时候的照片，然后问我，我最不想改变的是什么。
我会说，我的发质和我那可爱而永不会被人嫌胖的chubbiness =)
是的，如果重温以前的照片我就会非常羡慕照片里面的我，头发怎么那么柔顺，那么服帖啊。
我会说，我的发质和我那可爱而永不会被人嫌胖的chubbiness =)
是的，如果重温以前的照片我就会非常羡慕照片里面的我，头发怎么那么柔顺，那么服帖啊。
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| 这个是我1-5岁之间。图中的是我亲爱的玩伴鼠鼠妹。 |
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| 这个是小学的时候。因为小学只能留罗马装，我曾被误以为是小男生 被理了一个差不多比我弟弟还要短的头发。怎样见人啊。 图中为我的兄弟姐妹，看回照片只剩下唏嘘。希望以后会好转。 |
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| 永远不会盖过耳朵的罗马装陪伴了我三年吧。后来可以留长了。 可惜没用了，头发开始不听话，翘来翘去，难看。 图中为爸爸朋友们的孩子，我们的童年玩伴。 |
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| 我的头发只能靠电直来打理， 否则像堆草。年复一年的电直。可是又得绑辫子。没错，又是校规。 前面那位是总运动员代表，我是全校代表。 还有那时候的白痴自拍照。 |
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| 因为实在想尝试不同的发型，所以中学一毕业我就剪短了头发。 是我一直很想尝试的头发。可是我还是觉得不够有个性。 |
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| 我也带着这个头发进入了taylor's college. 这是first year first sem, 0803. (elbert, swan, nicolt) 记得是在做IBS的project来到了PAVILION做site visit. |
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| 后来厌倦了短发也觉得太难打理了，因为要时常修理，然后当我的头发 长到一定的时候，它又开始不听话。我那时候真的真的很苦恼。图中为 我taylors时期的ＱＳ新朋友们在SABAH的合影。正要去往PULAU SAPI。 |
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| 真的很自卑那时候的我，发质太硬了。根本梳理不了。 也没办法，只能顶着这样的头上街示众。 我真的很不爱拍照，也不爱那是的我。（sophia,tzepei,suhkuan中学同学） |
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之后就不断烫剪烫剪。修修修。（waikuen,meiling)  |
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| 是很可爱的一张谢谢。因为短，然后就烫成这样。不过 夹扁后还行还行。然后就这样慢慢的把头发留长。 |
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| 在２０１０年之前我都是留着一头乌黑亮丽的秀发。 然后我就做了新尝试，染发。这个时候的我应该是最瘦比较好看的时候吧。 |
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| 来了英国以后，还是对短发念念不忘，可是教训不能忘，唯有拜托朋友帮我photoshop 我想要的发型在我脸上。(Fiona+Jimmy) |
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| 那时候的对象是她，Agnes Lim.她让我看到短发的个性还有可以亦刚亦柔。 |
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| 来了英国以后，我也尝试不要再烫直头发了让他们自然发展。 还不赖，头发满听话的。总算像样了。 这应该是我最长的吧。途中回去马来西亚的时候还是会剪。 毕竟太长了，发尾干燥，经常打结了。 |
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| 后来的后来。头发越来越打结。我越来不懂得如何处理和做造型。 厌倦了长发，也觉得头发是时候更生了。索性叫比比一口气帮我剪短。 反正也不需要太大的技巧，我有太多头发可以ｂａｃｋｕｐ了。 不过没想到的是，他帮我剪了一个刘海。是我有史以来剪的最好看的一次。 专业理发师比他还不如。所以我非常放心以后把头发全权交给他了。＝） 过后我也染了橘色。虽然效果出来并不橘。可以显现的颜色我也挺喜欢。 酷毙了。 |
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| 我现在的发型指南。觉得这个长度刚刚好可以展现不同的一面。 她的穿着未必适合我。 可我喜欢她的个性，她的直率，她的品味，她说话的调， 她呈现自我的方式，有自信不做作。 懂得什么是自己要的。 YTB: clothesencounters =insta: ImJenim |
对，个性很重要。
我一直向往的穿着打扮都是喜欢中性的，可是不代表要Ｔ。
而是很有个性，适合自己，带出自己的味道。
努力呗。
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